Inspiring Your Authentic Week

Posted: 05 May 2008 01:30 PM CDT

It is easy to say it and we all know it, and yet truly speaking our truth is often the most difficult thing.

Why ? And how can we change this?

From trivial things like making arrangements with friends, through work and jobs to love and relationships. It is amazing how often we fail to speak our truth.

When we fail to speak our truth we compromise both ourselves and whoever we are speaking to, because whatever results from the lack of truth will be a compromise. It will be less than optimal and possibly even negative and painful.

Very often we try to say what we think the other person wants to hear rather than speaking our truth, even when we have very little idea what they are truly thinking (which is most of the time).

For example when we go for a job interview or a review with our boss, it is distinctly counter cultural to actually say what we are talented at, what we are great at and use that as the basis for defining how we might work best.

Instead we usually accept some sort of compromise.

In close relationships with lovers, parents or children, we may have challenge on a particular issue in the past. It has ended up in confrontation, which has turned into an uneasy truce, which may last for years, decades even.

Another compromise that satisfies no one and causes stress.

When I am coaching people I often ask why they find it difficult to speak their truth. There are two common answers:

1 - Because I don't like confrontation.
2 - Because I don't want to hurt their feelings.

OK - well let's deal with both of these.

Is it always confrontational to tell the truth?

If it is not always confrontational to tell the truth, what makes it not?

I believe that on the whole the truth will suit both/all parties better than dishonesty. So the key is to find a way of articulating that truth that works well for all.

So rather than having a confrontation, where you might blurt out your frustration or anger. Take a little time to consider the consequences of not speaking your truth and the outcome you truly desire. Then have a conversation to discover the outcomes you both truly desire.

A difference in desired outcome is not usually a problem, what is far more valuable and useful is clarity.

What we need to practice is creating the space to really think through what our desired outcome is, you might even want to try writing it down first. And use that to have a balanced conversation that is focussed on clarity, not changing the other persons mind, just clarity.

This approach is neither confrontational nor does it hurt any feelings. It can be applied in every situation from global politics, to business, to family, to lovers and even with children.

I would love to see this happen more often in the world - if you would too, please forward this message on to as many people as you think will appreciate it.

IF you want more support with this come and join me for a day of personal transformation in Liverpool on the 13th of June.

or e-mail me to find out more about the coaching I do.

With love

nx

neil crofts - coach, consultant, facilitator
Authentic Transformation - join the evolution
UK mobile 07775 658534
neil@authentictransformation.co.uk
www.authentictransformation.co.uk

"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much."

Jim Rohn